While I’m Japanese by heritage, I don’t feel as much of an affinity to Japan or Japanese culture in the sense of “I belong there.” I know enough about Japanese culture where I know that even if I can speak the language and get around geographically, I won’t have a sense of actually belonging there.
Physically, I am too Western in how I carry myself. I’ve observed this personally; I can tell that I’m not blending into the background. And it’s not just because of the hair. It’s my physical size and dimensions. It’s my non-verbal body language.
On the other hand, I felt a greater sense of acceptance during the all-too-brief visit to Hawai`i.
Being such a melting pot of Eastern cultures and island natives, it’s not a strange thing to see so many eastern Asian names and conventions adopted into Hawaiian culture. Someone named “Murakami” may be 4th or 5th generation Hawaiian and have never stepped foot in Japan.
While Japan is my heritage, I also know that if I’m ever in a situation where I have to live in Japan for the rest of my life, I’ll be seen as an “other” upon setting foot in the country. I’ll never be comfortable there because the society will never accept me as belong there; I’m too Westernized.
I didn’t feel that same sense of ostracization in Hawaii. Sure, there was that sense of “tourist” because that’s Hawaii’s business. But it was still somehow a little different. Not as separating as with Japan. I felt like after a few weeks of either living in Japan or living in Hawaii, I’d feel more at home in Hawaii than Japan.
That’s an intense realization.
I feel like I’d be tolerated in Japan. I feel like I’d be accepted in Hawaii.
This may be naive, but with the experienced I had in both places, it feels pretty accurate. It’s amazing, therefore, that heritage has less to do with a sense of belonging than experience.